I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
