ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
