Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Actions speak louder than pants.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
