he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is pants optional.
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