I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
