can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
