Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
