Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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