Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm too high and old for this...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
