Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
