Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
