Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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