You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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