I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
