I want to have your abortion
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
