He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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