The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
