stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize