Who did Billy Mays play for?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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