What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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