i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
