I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
