is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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