Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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