I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize