Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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