hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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