I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
