so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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