i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
BRING THE BAGELS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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