the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
