i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
