Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
