Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
