you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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