i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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