she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
