I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
