I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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