Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
