there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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