chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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