Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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