Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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