so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
