Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
