There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
