I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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