i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize