im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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