Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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