I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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