I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
