She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
