I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
