it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize