You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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