I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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