Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
