No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
