My hair reeks of homosexuality.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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