Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
