imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
