Where did you get a picture of my penis
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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