i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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