Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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