Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
be right there i have to get my cape
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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