Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
