It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
wow bdsm is so cute
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
