I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
