i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
