The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
