the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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