I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
