nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
