He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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