i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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