Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
