she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
