oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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