DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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