I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
