just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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