I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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