I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
