She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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