get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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