hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
