happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
