just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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