I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
