You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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