for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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