I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
