I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was born a porn star she said
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
PANTIES FOUND
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