The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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