she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
